Lady Laws

1. No woman shall purposely cause her thong to ride up above her pants in order to attract male attention, its just trashy.

2. No woman should apply makeup BEFORE going to work out at the gym.

3. No woman shall pretend to know about sports just so guys will pay attention to them. You will get caught if you’re lying and look like a fool, so prove yourself beforehand.

4. No woman shall stuff their bra with toilet paper, or anything for that matter. This was done in 6th grade, and if its still being done, we pity you.

5. No woman should ever play the ditsy giggly drunk girl to get a guy’s attention. They don’t find it attractive or cute, and if they do seem to, it’s most likely because they just want to hook up and then never talk to you again.

6. If he doesn’t call you, he doesn’t care.

8. Lip gloss, tampons, gum and lotion are to be carried in your purse at all times.

9. Its okay to shop for less (target, wal-mart) if you know how to pull it off.

10. If a man is paying, eat as much as you want. Don’t be scared! You know damn well you don’t just want a salad!

11. If a man doesn’t treat his mother right, 9 times out of 10 he isn’t going to treat you any better.

12. No woman should allow herself or her friends to get out of control with fake tanning. It is not necessary to inform a girl who is not your friend that she is too orange.

13. It is okay to read Maxim, Stuff or any other male directed magazine, there are tips in there for us too!

14. No woman shall wear a colored bra underneath a white shirt. Nor wear only a bra beneath a see thru shirt.

15. All woman shall be ready to step in as a cock block when a desperate friend is in need of being saved from the creepy guy coming on to her.

16. No woman shall fake being drunk. You don’t impress anyone, and you just look stupid in the end.

17. No woman shall stay with a man after he’s cheated on her. We aren’t weak, don’t give them more ammo to believe we are.

18. No woman shall freak out on their boyfriend for no reason. That’s what gives us them the right to generalize us as psycho.

19. If we can see your pockets at the bottom of your skirt, its too short, and what some might call skanky. You may want to rethink it.

21. No girl is allowed to wear a tight shirt with no bra. We all have nips but they don’t need to to be visible 24/7, wear a bra.

22. Never stay at a party by yourself, no matter how many “familiar faces” you see. Its never a good idea, and will most likely lead you to make bad decisions

23. If a woman does not want to give a man her number, that woman may pretend she has a boyfriend. Her friends will back her up.

24. Ben and Jerry should always be in the freezer in case of a bad day.

25. A hoodie, sweatpants, and pony-tail are completely acceptable. We don’t have to look a certain way to impress guys.

26. Confidence is sexy.

27. If the guy you are with goes back and forth between you and another girl.. instead of getting mad at the said girl, get together with her, and leave the guy all by himself.

28. Women will go to the bathroom together because this is quality “girl talk” time and we ARE comfortable in our sexuality to do so. But if no partner is found, feel free to go alone, don’t feel you have to hold it in.

29. Every woman should have watched Mean Girls, Ten Things I hate About You, A Walk To Remember, and The Notebook. If you haven’t, you better go rent them this weekend.

30. No female shall become “friends with benefits” to any ex. It just shows him you’re desperate.

31. It is not necessary you know how to sew. Maybe 50 years ago, but now if a man’s button falls off, they can take it to the cleaners.

32. Women have a better sense of direction than man, therefore should be able to drive a man’s car whenever she pleases.

33. Keep the grounds maintained, no man deserves to deal with a jungle down there.

34. No woman shall make plans with the ladies and then cancel for a guy…unless he is really hot and has hot friends which would then benefit everyone.

35. If a woman has relations with a guy who is “not up to par” she can call “mulligan” and the incident shall never to be spoken of again. (limit one mulligan per year)

36. Surprise men by being good at darts……and pool…..and xbox360. Just don’t be too good, you’ll hurt their ego and they will not want to hook up later in the night.

37. A woman should always take the man’s last name when getting married. (Exceptions: if your name is Stacey and his last name is Racey.)

38. Women do not date another woman’s ex. Unless the relationship was less then 3 months, then it cancels itself out and he is open territory.

39. Woman should not cut coupons. Marry rich and you will not need them.

40. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

41. Men do not control the remote.

43. Great Clips is not an option.

45. Women will NOT watch gay men, its just wrong. (Exception: Brokeback Mountain)

47. Posting pictures of yourself and other women just because you look good in the picture is not acceptable if the others do not look up to their standard. Its just rude.

49. Women ALWAYS stick together. NEVER leave a female behind UNLESS she is going home with a someone sexy and you know she is safe.

51. Its okay to be a tease!

52.Being a woman does not justify being stupid. Being smart is way more attractive than being dumb.

53. If crack or cheek is visible, your skirt is no longer a skirt, but a belt.

54. No woman shall use the phrase “I’m so fat” while men are around in order to elicit the response “No you’re not you’re so skinny”. This especially applies to anyone weighing less than 115 pounds because it is quite obvious to everyone around that you are a beanpole and should probably eat a couple more Big Macs.

56. Its okay to have muscles, but if they’re bigger than your boyfriends, you should probably tone it down a bit. Athlete or not, it scares off the boys.

57. When sporting acrylics, do not exceed more than one inch at most, and most certainly do not get airbrush designs painted on, it is not classy, to say the least.

58. Woman shall not pay for drinks. Plain and simple.

59. Legs are to be shaved at regularly. A schedule of every 2 days is suggested (this rule is null and void if in a serious or committed relationship) Armpits should be dealt with daily.

60. A woman shall not promise any act without complete follow through. If you start, finish.

61. When drinking, in addition to handing over your keys to a sober friend, include your cell phone in that transaction as well. This is especially encouraged if you’re just getting out of a relationship.

63. If you plan on drinking, a skirt is not your best choice. Don’t do it, you’ll regret it when pictures of more than your beautiful face are circulating the the internet the next morning.

64. Any lady can and shall use her body in any way to win a game This includes the taking off of tops to expose cleavage, anything to win. No full frontal nudity, you have to keep some dignity.

65. Being a skank is not acceptable. Skanky dancing is however acceptable.

67. Don’t burn bridges with people who you have to live with.

68. If a guy upsets you. Dont feel any shame, set all your profiles to private and block that jerk, he doesn’t deserve to even look at your damn photos. Only when he learns how to act should you unblock him.

69. Fanny packs are not and never were acceptable.

70. It is ok to make a sandwich for a man if 1) he says please! 2) you are already in the kitchen and are not going out of your way. 3) there is something in it for you.

71. All woman shall notify others when she is PMS-ing, we’ll understand, but if we don’t know we’ll just think you’re a bitch.

72. When another woman is insulted by her boyfriend, you WILL stick up for her and take her side, regardless of who is right in the situation.

73. No woman shall cheat on their boyfriend, nor cause someone else’s boyfriend to cheat with you or facilitate any cheating. In other words…DO NOT be a homewrecker!


1 Comment

Filed under Entertainment, Life, Uncategorized

One response to “Lady Laws

  1. Toller Post, vielen Dank.

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