Monthly Archives: March 2007

House Sitting part one

During my spring break I decided to house/dog sit for an entire week. It has only been a day and a half and already it has been filled with drama.

For some reason I agreed to take the family whose house/dogs I am watching to the airport… at 3:30 in the morning. The only good part about that was the airport was pretty much empty and I am awesome with directions. Ok replace the word awesome with terrible. I am terrible with directions

I got out of the airport ok but once on the highway I couldn’t remember which exit I had to get off at seeing as it was 4am at this point it was pretty dark outside and I could not read the directions I wrote myself because for some reason I wrote them with a light blue inked pen. I got off at the next available exit so I could turn around and get off on the correct exit. That would have worked out great if I found the highway again, someone must have been playing a trick on me because the highway disappeared. I kept driving on and on until eventually I surprised myself and found a street I recognized and got myself back to the house, sure it took me twice as long but at least I made it. It was about 5:30am I decided I needed some sleep considering I only got 2 and a half hours the night before. My sleep was interrupted by very large puppy biting my hand, I woke up let him out and went back to bed, but not for long…after I fell asleep my phone rang and because I really wanted to talk to that person I couldn’t just ignore it. After that phone call I officially woke up and began my day.

My day was pretty normal, I went home for a little bit to grab a few things that I’d need for the next few days (extra clothes, shampoo, pjs, etc.) Then I picked up a dear friend of mine who ended up house sitting with me for the first three days. That night as I was letting one of the dogs out the other dog bolted out the door and ran towards the street, my friend ran after him barefoot. She lept off the porch in attempt to run after the dog and stop him for being run over by a car. Instead of landing on the nice green grass, she landed on a nice pile of dog poop. It was so gross and in between her toes, thank god it was her and not me because I might have puked. Besides, I am not going to lie seeing her scream out “THERE IS POOP IN MY TOES” was very funny I laughed so hard I practically cried. After this long night we decided to go out, we went to a giant house in a gated community. Because I had such a long day I wanted to leave 5 minutes after arriving but I stayed for a while. I stayed long enough to see a very real, very large, walrus head. I didn’t know people were allowed to hunt and kill walruses. Apparently you are, this is good news for all you folks out there who want a walrus head on their wall.

That night I locked the dogs out of the room my friend and i stayed in because they did not want us to sleep, every 2 seconds they would jump up onto the bed and walk all over us. Locking them out was a bad idea, because in the morning I walked down the stairs to dog piss on the carpet. That was a pleasant good morning greeting, I guess they were mad at me for locking them out. The rest of the day was pretty normal… went for a long walk, let the dogs out, watched a movie, let the dogs out, ate chipotle, let the dogs out, laughed as my friend almost stepped in dog poop again but she sort of leaped over it, let the dogs out, oh and did I mention I let the dogs out? I mean seriously how often do dogs normally go out. I feel like these dogs have weak bladders and need to go out every 20 minutes or else they will POOP ON THE FLOOR. Yeah that happened, and it was gross. (Gross is an understatement)

The best part was the dogs liked to chew up something every time I left the house. I turned it into a game, right before I left I’d take a look around the room and try and guess what they would chew up next. I’d give myself a high five for getting it right, self high fives look a lot like clapping, but that is besides the point.

The dogs have managed to completely destroy a pair of my shoes, part of a rug, a few pieces of paper, and a water bottle. Now before I leave I make sure to lock my stuff in a room to insure it will stay in one piece. I wonder what they are going to destroy next…

….to be continued….

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She Doesn’t Get It

“She Doesn’t Get it” is one of my favorite songs, by one of my favorite bands; The Format Check out their new video, very different and creative!


She Doesn’t Get It Lyrics

All the girls pose the same for pictures
All the boys have the same girl’s hair.
And I am bored because I feel much older,
Look at me as if I got a reason to stare.
But you talk so loud, that it calms me down.
You’re crying, let’s make a toast.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
Oh that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it’s wrong, but I know your type.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
I don’t care I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.

I’ve read every word you’ve said,
From a poster of a cat.
Four books look across your sofa,
I thought your coffee table was more clever than that.
It gets worse once we get to her room she stops and she sings “do do do do do do do do”
I claim “New Religion” is my song,
She doesn’t get it,
It’s all before she’s born.

And you lock your door,
Like I’ve been here before.
I feel like I’ve seen a ghost.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
Oh that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it’s wrong, but I know your type.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
I don’t care I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.
I was the only one who got burned.

Suddenly between sheets and eyelids, I am reminded why I don’t do this.
I fall in love far too quickly,
I never want her to forget me.
When you’re gone,
Will you call?
Will you write?

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
Oh that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it’s wrong, but I know your type.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
Oh that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it’s wrong, but I know your type.

She says she’s leavin on a Sunday,
I don’t care I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.

Buy This Song On itunes
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These guys are great

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12 WAYS TO HELP PREVENT WRINKLES

1. Drink Water: 6-8 glasses per day to keep the skin hydrated.

2. Wear Sunscreen: SPF 15 or higher

3. Wear Protective Clothing: wide brimmed hats and sunglasses when in the sun.

4. Don’t sunbathe.

5. Avoid sun exposure between 10am and 3pm.

6. Moisturize Regularly.

7. Exercise Regularly.

8. Eat Healthy, especially foods high in anti-oxidants.

9. Take Vitamins: multi-vitamins, especially vitamins A, C and E.

10. Limit Alcohol intake.

11. Avoid Smoking.

12. Get plenty of sleep.

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My favorite people are all under the age of ten

There are a few things in this world that I do not understand, one of those things is people that don’t like kids. At all, people that cannot stand them. Kids are a lot like adults except with out all the crap. When a kid misbehaves you can say he is acting that way because he didn’t have a snack today or he missed his nap… when an adult misbehaves you just look at him and think what the hell is your problem?

Recently my aunts house flooded, so much that most of her things were ruined. She and her husband were forced to move out until their house could be repaired. They literally lost everything, a few things were saved (hot tub and drum set) but for the most part all of their stuff floated away. My aunt works at a elementary school when the kids found out about this disaster they started a fundraiser to collect money to help them repair their house.

These kids did not have to do anything but they did and most of the time kids cannot do that much to help but not these guys. They raised two thousand dollars and gave it to my aunt and uncle. Those kids were so happy and proud of themselves, my aunt and uncle were able to move back into their house with the help of those kids.

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The story behind the keyboard

I am so excited!

I am excited because I have upgraded my computer, and let me tell you. It is a dream come true, no joke. I am here to tell the tale…

If you do not already know, I use a mac, an ibook to be specific. My wonderful little white laptop came with 512 mb of ram. This ram served me well for quite some time but it was not enough. I am the kind of person who likes to be running ten applications at once, with only 512 mb of memory this did not work out so well. I would be running my usual applications and the worst thing in whole world would appear on my screen…

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…the spinning beach ball from hell.

This beach ball would pop up on my screen reminding me that my computer does not have enough memory and would slow down everything I was doing. ESPECIALLY iphoto, my iphoto hated me.

Things are different now, a nice man named Shawn bought me 1gb of ram and installed it for me. Not only am I happy but my iphoto is happy as well. I have not had any problems with it so far and I have not seen that dreaded beach ball I hope to keep it that way.

In case you couldn’t already tell, I am very happy about this. Shawn is pretty much an angel for doing this for me.

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How to tell someone to move out without actually telling them

Roommates, some of them are good and others not so good. Almost everyone is a little crazy and when you live with someone you really get a taste of just how crazy the other person is.

Here is a list of things you can do to get that annoying roommate to move out without actually telling that person you want them to move. After completing a few things on this list that person will be running as far away from you as possible.

-When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.”

-Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

-Twitch… a lot

-Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

-Set your alarm clock for 3 AM. Push the doze button every 5 minutes when it beeps for the next five hours, each time telling your roommate that you’ll wake up in five minutes.

-Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

-As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.

-Begin to accumulate a used gum ball. Weigh it every day. Accuse your roommate of stealing gum.

-Borrow your roommate’s clothes. Offer to wash them, then act like they were yours all along.

-Carry a pair of walkie-talkies with you at all times. Insist that s/he use one when ever s/he wants to talk to you.

-Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, it’s spreading.”

-Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, “It’s not funny anymore.”

-Every time your roommate walks in yell, “Hooray! You’re back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn’t you be going somewhere?”

-Give your roommate a jar of peanuts. Wait until s/he has eaten half of them, then explain they used to be chocolate-covered, but you licked all the chocolate off of them.

-Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, “How nice to see you again.”

-Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.

-Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell your roommate to be happy all the time.

-Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (“Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!”)

-Ring jingle bells maniacally saying, “Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”

-Spell out the last word of each sentence you say to your roommate.

-Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, “They’re more than meets the eye.”

-Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, “Who the hell do you think you are? A king?”

-Steal all of your roommate’s pens. Make a tower out of them. Bite him/her if s/he tries to get them back.

-Steal something valuable of your roommate’s. If s/he asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.

-Take up playing a musical instrument. Practice constantly in the room, but don’t play anything coherent. Play “Hot Cross Buns” or similar three-note songs twenty times until you get it perfect.

-Talk about your roommate to the little man who lives in your pocket.

-Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can’t remember who it was.

-Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there’s going to be an earthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When s/he returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.

-Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times. If your roommate inquires, tell him/her, “Don’t worry, little buckaroo. You’ll be safe with me.”

-Watch TV continually. Change channels so that you only see the commercials. Memorize the commercials verbatim and chant them after lights out.

-When talking to him/her, alternate between being exceedingly polite and disgustingly rude every sentence.

-Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.

-Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Then insist you need to show him/her the proper way to brush his/her teeth.

-Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g., Your roommate: “How are you doing today?” You: “Today . . . Today . . . ?”)

-Become Forrest Gump

-If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

-Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

-Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room.

-Call your roommate “Clyde” by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him “Clyde” all the time. If your roommate protests, say, “I’m sorry. I won’t do that anymore, Murray.”

-Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

-Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen

-Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”

-Forget the punchline to a really really long joke, but assure your roommate it was a “real hoot.”

-Follow a few paces behind your roommate, spraying everything he/she touches with a can of Lysol.

-Put mustard in the shampoo bottle

-Insist that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are real. If your roommate objects, buy some small turtles and keep glowsticks in their tank. Talk to the turtles all the time while giving the evil eye to your roommate and mutter, “We’ll show you soon enough…won’t we Leonardo?”

-Stare at a blank TV screen and complain about how the reception sucks.

-Eat marshmallows all the time. One night, spray a pile of whipped cream on the floor. Say you “got sick.”

-Open the curtains at night; close them during the day.

-Collect your urine in a jar. When your roommate looks away, switch the urine jar with a jar of apple juice and start drinking it in front of them.

This is just a short list of the many things you can do to annoy anyone, not just your roommate.

WARNING: Doing any of the things mentioned above may result in someone thinking you are insane or mentally ill and putting you in a mental institution

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No, I will not eat the yellow candy

Lets play a game called Red Skittle
First I will explain to you how this game came to be.

Sometimes certain candies are only good in ONE flavor. The other flavors are just there to fill up the bag. Nobody wants them, yet we eat them anyways.

This might just be a matter of opinion but, the yellow Starburst are gross. I do not know of anyone who actually enjoys eating them. The red ones however, are incredible. In one package of Starburst you get three of each flavor. I would rather buy a pack of Starburst that only contained the red ones, maybe orange and pink but NOT yellow.

I feel the same way about Skittles, I buy a pack of Skittles for the red skittle. The rest are just there. The only problem with this is, I never know how many red skittles I am actually getting. I might get a bag with two red ones and I just wasted my money.

Now how do you play?
It is simple, you just buy 3 lbs. of skittles and separate them into two bags, all the reds go into one bag and the rest go in the other.

The end result is FABULOUS! You can eat all the good flavor without worrying about the yellow ones getting in your way.

I am a very lucky girl
I am lucky because I did not have to separate any Skittles, I just explained the game to my boyfriend and he surprised me with about a pound of red Skittles. Next time I am going to play red Starburst!

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