How to tell someone to move out without actually telling them

Roommates, some of them are good and others not so good. Almost everyone is a little crazy and when you live with someone you really get a taste of just how crazy the other person is.

Here is a list of things you can do to get that annoying roommate to move out without actually telling that person you want them to move. After completing a few things on this list that person will be running as far away from you as possible.

-When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, “That was your mom. She said she’d call back.”

-Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

-Twitch… a lot

-Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

-Set your alarm clock for 3 AM. Push the doze button every 5 minutes when it beeps for the next five hours, each time telling your roommate that you’ll wake up in five minutes.

-Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

-As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.

-Begin to accumulate a used gum ball. Weigh it every day. Accuse your roommate of stealing gum.

-Borrow your roommate’s clothes. Offer to wash them, then act like they were yours all along.

-Carry a pair of walkie-talkies with you at all times. Insist that s/he use one when ever s/he wants to talk to you.

-Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, it’s spreading.”

-Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, “It’s not funny anymore.”

-Every time your roommate walks in yell, “Hooray! You’re back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn’t you be going somewhere?”

-Give your roommate a jar of peanuts. Wait until s/he has eaten half of them, then explain they used to be chocolate-covered, but you licked all the chocolate off of them.

-Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, “How nice to see you again.”

-Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to kill a mosquito.

-Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell your roommate to be happy all the time.

-Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. (“Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 837-9494! Holy cow!”)

-Ring jingle bells maniacally saying, “Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”

-Spell out the last word of each sentence you say to your roommate.

-Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, “They’re more than meets the eye.”

-Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, “Who the hell do you think you are? A king?”

-Steal all of your roommate’s pens. Make a tower out of them. Bite him/her if s/he tries to get them back.

-Steal something valuable of your roommate’s. If s/he asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.

-Take up playing a musical instrument. Practice constantly in the room, but don’t play anything coherent. Play “Hot Cross Buns” or similar three-note songs twenty times until you get it perfect.

-Talk about your roommate to the little man who lives in your pocket.

-Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can’t remember who it was.

-Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there’s going to be an earthquake soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side of the room. When s/he returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of the room.

-Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times. If your roommate inquires, tell him/her, “Don’t worry, little buckaroo. You’ll be safe with me.”

-Watch TV continually. Change channels so that you only see the commercials. Memorize the commercials verbatim and chant them after lights out.

-When talking to him/her, alternate between being exceedingly polite and disgustingly rude every sentence.

-Whenever your roommate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.

-Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Then insist you need to show him/her the proper way to brush his/her teeth.

-Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g., Your roommate: “How are you doing today?” You: “Today . . . Today . . . ?”)

-Become Forrest Gump

-If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

-Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

-Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room.

-Call your roommate “Clyde” by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him “Clyde” all the time. If your roommate protests, say, “I’m sorry. I won’t do that anymore, Murray.”

-Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

-Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen

-Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”

-Forget the punchline to a really really long joke, but assure your roommate it was a “real hoot.”

-Follow a few paces behind your roommate, spraying everything he/she touches with a can of Lysol.

-Put mustard in the shampoo bottle

-Insist that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are real. If your roommate objects, buy some small turtles and keep glowsticks in their tank. Talk to the turtles all the time while giving the evil eye to your roommate and mutter, “We’ll show you soon enough…won’t we Leonardo?”

-Stare at a blank TV screen and complain about how the reception sucks.

-Eat marshmallows all the time. One night, spray a pile of whipped cream on the floor. Say you “got sick.”

-Open the curtains at night; close them during the day.

-Collect your urine in a jar. When your roommate looks away, switch the urine jar with a jar of apple juice and start drinking it in front of them.

This is just a short list of the many things you can do to annoy anyone, not just your roommate.

WARNING: Doing any of the things mentioned above may result in someone thinking you are insane or mentally ill and putting you in a mental institution



Filed under Entertainment, Life

8 responses to “How to tell someone to move out without actually telling them

  1. ccc

    Or Just Kick’em Out…(-:

  2. Margaret

    Seeing as how I am roommate…this makes me nervous.

  3. Lisa


  4. Ryan

    Everytime you come home, open and close the lock 23 times chanting herpes syphalis herpes syphalis out loud, after 3 weeks, ask your roomate for $30 to fix the lock.

  5. Leo

    This shit is never funny to me, but I laughed at a lot of these.

  6. Take a bunch of food put it on the table, and what ever room you want to do it in… Chew up the food, on bite at a time, then spit it out in one pile, do it for 1-2 weeks!

  7. Shape up a piece of poop on a random day and say here i got you some chocolate!!! Say: i hope you like it, its homemade!!! 🙂 it is hilarious i did it to my best friend and she laughed so hard her face was beat red

  8. Smelly things stink
    Strobe lights blink
    Megaphones screech
    A fish from the beach

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