The problem is usually you, not your date.

Rabbi Shmuley, author of books like DATING SECRETS OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, offers specific, helpful advice. (see below)

In dating, you should always be the peasant and not the aristocrat. An aristocrat waits for a person to come along and impress them. He focuses on what HE wants and what HE deserves. In the process, you overlook what you nees because you are too self-centered to truely evaulate the person you are with. Be a peasant. Be humble, and search for that person who makes you feel needed.

Make your date know that she comes first.

If you are bored, the problem is usually with you, not your date.

practical suggestions:

-talk about issues and values and the stories that formed these formative experiences

-do good deeds with your date, rather than just going to karaoke. That doesn’t necessarily mean soup kitchen, but perhaps visiting a grandmother.

DATING, NOT ‘RELATING’

People make the mistake of dating for personal growth rather than to discover another human being. You should be deepening the relationship with the other person, not with yourself.

HONORABLE ENDINGS

How do you know when a relationship is “right”? When it makes you feel alive and optimistic for your future together. If you no longer look forward to seeing her…if she irritates you, if she bores you, then you are in trouble. Do not make the mistake of staying with an unsatisfactory relationship out of a sense of guilt.

You know when you are in love, and when this ain’t it, dump the schlump. Don’t stay in an unhappy relationshiop because you are afraid of hurting her feelings, or worse, because you fear nothing better will come along.

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1 Comment

Filed under Love

One response to “The problem is usually you, not your date.

  1. Good stuff Rabbi.

    Do not make the mistake of staying with an unsatisfactory relationship out of a sense of guilt.

    Exactly and when they do they find themselves trapped in “woes me” situations. Besides that, it’s a very short walk from guilt to bitterness to resentment

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