Monthly Archives: February 2008

Gross and Slightly Inappropriate

This normally G-rated blog is going to become a little more PG. I wouldn’t go write it off as PG yet, just closer to PG then most days. Because, I am going to discuss bathrooms and squatting.

Bathrooms, no matter what you do, are not sanitary places. I try my best to make sure everything in the bathroom goes as untouched as possible. When I wash my hands, I sing happy birthday to myself (in my head, not out loud folks) two times while scrubbing to ensure the cleanliness of them. I also avoid touching the door with my hands, I use my shoulder. I never flush the toilet with my hand either, I use my foot.

There is one thing that most women can do to keep their bathroom experience a little more sanitary that I cannot do, and will not ever be able to do. And that is Squatting. Squatting is the best way to avoid placing your bare booty on the same exact location someone else’s bare booty has been. The problem with me is simple: I am five feet tall. As a five foot tall woman I am simply not tall enough to hover over the toilet seat without touching it, it is completely unfair. Unless I hang from the ceiling, my bare booty has to touch that seat. Ick.

I warned you that this blog might be slightly gross and an inappropriate.

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Who Me? A Role Model?

Last Tuesday I wore my hair in an adorably sloppy side pony tail. Nothing fancy. I went to work like that and coached my classes.

Today my entire 4 o’clock class showed up with side pony tails. I was shocked that my hairstyle the previous week could influence these little girls so much. Who knew I could set a fashion statement? I told the girls that they looked great and they responded with “You look great too” I don’t care who you are, it’s always nice to be told that you look great.

I really love my job. Sometimes I worry that I won’t say or do the right thing and these kids will copy that as well as my fashion decisions. I realize that they look up to me, some of them even consider me a role model. This title is a scary one to have. I don’t want to be the cause of any bad habits either. What if I started spitting constantly? I am sure these children would do the same, no matter how gross or inappropriate the habit is. I am sure their parents would love that and it’d be oh so lady like.

Once a seven year old girl came into class wearing make up, she cut her hair and parted on the side so that it fell into her eyes. I asked her if she was wearing makeup and she smiled saying “I was trying to look like you coach Annette”  Adorable, simply adorable. I wanted to squeeze her but I didn’t. I just told her how pretty she looked.

I also have a habit of never wearing socks that match. Now I am the cause of a handful of little girls purposely mismatching their socks.

Mismatching my their socks, wearing a little makeup and having their hair in their eyes is not a big deal nor is it a bad thing. I am just hoping none of my bad habit become their bad habits.

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This is Ch_ _ch, What is Missing?

Lame church signs from across the nation. Personally, I found them to be hilariously entertaining.


Tacky, just tacky.

More at www.crummychurchsigns.com

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Bridge Collaspes, 50 injured, 10 dead

Ok, not really.

But sometimes I feel like that is going to happen. Every morning and afternoon I fear for my life as I walk across a bridge that appears to be 8 billion years old. This bridge has holes in it, in certain areas my entire shoe could potentially fall through and land in the frigid cold water below, never to be retrieved again. I fear for my poor shoes. When a truck drives across this bridge at the same time that I am walking I hold my breath, not that holding my breath helps what-so-ever. The bridge shakes so intensely I cannot help but hold my breath.

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I’m a Mess

I want to be that girl that walks down the street looking great and put together. The girl who can handle a full class load, all of her homework, and a part time job.

Instead I’m that girl that can never find anything, my room is a mess and I can’t seem to find time to clean it. I always do my homework the night before it’s due, or on my train ride to class. My socks never match and I always spill my coffee leaving me to look like a completely slob for the rest of the day. I used to wear a white coat, I have a brown one now because the last one made me look like a walking disaster. I never have a mint and I drink coffee more than I should so my breath always reeks. My hair is always in my face and if it’s not I have hat hair, sometimes I fear that it looks like I don’t shower. I swear I do. Everyday in fact.

Once last week I made myself look great. I straightened my hair, it was shiny. It rained that day. By the time I got to school I looked like a witch on crack. On top of that I spilled coffee all over my jeans leaving giant brown spots on them. Then later that night while at work I got a bloody nose. I work with kids and having blood on my shirt while working with children doesn’t exactly look right.

All my books have coffee stains on them. I spilled coffee in my backpack once, all my textbooks and notebooks were inside, now everyone that has seen them has agreed that they look like shit. Great. Now my books are taking after me.

I wish that just once I could keep myself together.

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I Tend To Fall In Love With Strangers

Every day I take the same trains to and from the city. Every day I see the same business men and women, the same college students, the same creeps and weirdos, the same beggers…

I love them all. I love them because of their familiar faces. I love that we all recognize each other but never say a word, just a nod of acknowledgement, maybe even a smile if you are lucky.

I love the woman who no matter how cold it is wears capri’s and her hair is always a disaster as if she got caught in a wind storm before arriving at the train station.

I love the woman who sells train tickets. Everyone else loves her too, on Valentines day her office was filled with flowers and chocolates. She calls the men ‘sweetheart’ and the girls ‘honey’

I love the man who talks too loudly on his headset so anyone in the entire building can hear his business calls.

I love the boy that wears the same hat every day, its bright read poofy ball on stop and how he is always the first one on the train.

I even love the creepy man looking man with rotting teeth that you can see even when his mouth is closed. And he is balding on top but he has long wavy gray hair, he wears a trench coat with jeans and is almost always late, I get nervous that he is going to miss his train one of these days because he has to run to catch it every day.

I love the conductor who sometimes let me ride for free, he is a very friendly man. I know this because whenever I see him he smiles. I can tell he is a happy person.

I love the conductor without a memory, he paces back and forth not sure if he already checked that particular car for tickets or not. Sometimes I ride for free because he simply forgets.

I love the conductor that looks like santa clause, he looks out for me. If someone bothers me for money he always asks them to leave and will stand near me to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I love the beggers around the train station, the man who steals newspapers and tries to resell them to the general public. I like his friend, the sax player. He is never quite in tune, his notes are always a little off but he sounds great. I love woman who sits on the ground screaming at people, she seems angry, I wish I knew what she was saying, nobody seems to understand her.

I love the crossing guards. They always smile at me, even though the area they work in reeks intensely of pigeon poop.

Every day, I see the same strangers. I don’t think I would love them as much if they weren’t strangers.

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Travel in the Corner

I have a riddle for you

So far out of everyone I’ve asked only two people have been able to get it right. Those two people were Boyfriend and an 11 year old girl.

Here it is,

What travels all around the world but never leaves the corner?

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