I want to feel skin on the first date

For my birthday (which was on Tuesday the 20th, feel free to wish me happy birthdays) I got this letter,

Dear Annette,
I am writing you to wish you a happy birthday. I was hoping to be there for the celebration, but I am currently being held captive by an evil corporation. I have always dreamed of spending time with a beautiful woman like yourself. Since I cannot arrive on time (delayed flights are a bitch), I thought I would outline the time we will spend together.

I hope we start off really close. I want to feel your skin on the first date. I tend to be a little clingy and will follow you everywhere. We will sleep together and work together. I will keep you warm and comfortable. You can use me when you want,I will make you look good. I do an excellent job representing what you are proud of.

I hope your birthday is the best.

Sincerely,
Your 2 Legged Friend

Attached to the letter was a present. I opened the present and it was a picture of some sweatpants from my school. Then I laughed out loud. I am glad the present wasn’t there because this letter was hilarious.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life

3 responses to “I want to feel skin on the first date

  1. happy bday! and i was definitely worried where that letter was going. im glad it was from your sweatpants!

  2. biscuitinabasket

    hehehehe….. Many happy belated birthay wishes!

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