Monthly Archives: October 2009

Embarrassing Moments This Week…

The following stories are true

The Sneeze
I was drinking a cup of coffee when I sneezed. I hit my nose on the coffee mug which caused my nose to bleed. Don’t worry, I didn’t get blood in my coffee.

The Mattress
I was looking for a key I thought might be hidden under my mattress. (I often sleep with important objects like keys, credit cards, glasses, or my iPhone) I lifted up the mattress to look underneath, just as I lifted the mattress over my head my weak little arms decided to give out. The mattress hit me on the head causing me to fall backwards onto my back in the middle of my room. Basically, inanimate objects are beating me up. I think they are out to get me.

The Exit
I was at a seminar, there was a guy about to get up and read for an hour from one of his novels. I decided to make an exit because the thought of him reading to me for an hour sounded painful. I casually pretended to have a phone call, got up quickly, and headed for the door. What I thought was an exit turned out to be a closet and I didn’t discover that until I was inside the closet. I couldn’t stay in there so I had to walk out of the closet in front of the entire seminar. I quickly left the room after that.

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Facebook friend requests that make you want to click ignore

My favorite song right now is by Kate Miller-Heidke. It’s funny, it’s true, we have all felt this way at some point, and it goes like this..

They say every one should have their heart broken, at least once. That that is how you grow emotionally. Well, I have been misused by many many many men, but nothing can compare to how you treated me.

At times it really felt as though the pain was here to stay. And though it’s many years ago, I feel it to this day.

And now you wanna be my friend on facebook… Are you fuckin kidding me?

All the memories are flooding back to me now. All the ways you stole the light from my eyes.
I travelled so far just to get away from you! Till this mornings friend request surprise.

At times it really felt as though I’d never smile again. You narcissistic ass hole, oh you nasty nasty man.

And now you wanna be my friend on facebook… Are you fucking kidding?

I dont wanna know what kind of cocktail you are or which member of the beatles or which 1950’s movie star. I dont give a toss if you’re a ninja or a pirate, I’d suspect you’d be a pirate but i dont wanna verify it. and I dont give a shit what your stripper name is or if your Kitty had a litter..

Look, just follow me on twitter.

I dont care about your family tree and i certainly dont want you poking me!.. again.

And now you wanna be my friend on facebook…

Click ignore.
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