The following stories are true
I was drinking a cup of coffee when I sneezed. I hit my nose on the coffee mug which caused my nose to bleed. Don’t worry, I didn’t get blood in my coffee.
I was looking for a key I thought might be hidden under my mattress. (I often sleep with important objects like keys, credit cards, glasses, or my iPhone) I lifted up the mattress to look underneath, just as I lifted the mattress over my head my weak little arms decided to give out. The mattress hit me on the head causing me to fall backwards onto my back in the middle of my room. Basically, inanimate objects are beating me up. I think they are out to get me.
I was at a seminar, there was a guy about to get up and read for an hour from one of his novels. I decided to make an exit because the thought of him reading to me for an hour sounded painful. I casually pretended to have a phone call, got up quickly, and headed for the door. What I thought was an exit turned out to be a closet and I didn’t discover that until I was inside the closet. I couldn’t stay in there so I had to walk out of the closet in front of the entire seminar. I quickly left the room after that.