Following Christ

One time I thought about what Jesus would tweet if he was on twitter. Then I saw this at someecards and I giggled, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks about this..

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A true story about comandeering my rum

Sunday morning (and by morning I mean afternoon) I woke up to find that someone had stolen my big bottle of Captain I just bought the night before. So naturally I yelled, “WHY IS THE RUM GONE!?” I love being able to say when it’s relevant.

I am a very sneaky and smart person, the dbag who stole my Captain didn’t realize who he was messing with. I was not about to let that wanker get away with the crime he committed. After some research was done I figured out who comandeered my liquor..

So I did what needed to be done, I wore an eye patch, knocked on his door, when he opened his door I pushed him aside and said “Excuse me” in the most snotty girl voice I am capable of, walked into his kitchen, took the rum, and walked out without saying a word. (that is all true except for the eye-patch part, I wish I was wearing an eyepatch)

Clearly this man with half a brain knew to stay out of my way, he didn’t try to stop me, he just stood there dumbfounded. As I walked out the door I heard him say “have a good night”

and he thought he could take my rum. HA

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Surviving College

I have figured out how I am going to survive college without starving. It’s simple, I go to parties, I talk to drunk people and convince them they are hungry (the convincing process isn’t hard because chances are they are very hungry). Then we go to a 24 hour diner where the drunky will be so drunk they won’t even notice or care that they took care of the bill.

This is how I will survive college…taking advantage of drunk people. This method works, I did it last night.

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most of all

I adore his smile
I cherish his hugs
I admire his eyes
but most of all,
I love his taste in women.

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Not Getting Lucky

If I was in the dating world I’d be really tempted to wear this shirt on a date just so there isn’t any confusion

(From Charlotte Russe)

I know…I can be really mean sometimes.

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